Trap game? Not on my watch...

EXT. SAINTS HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

(Sean Payton is seated in his coaching war room with Drew Brees and Jonathan Vilma.)


VILMA: Coach, we been at this for hours on end! It's 4 a.m., we need to get some sleep before getting on that plane to Frisco!

BREES: Jonathan's right, Coach. We've been running drills and watching game film almost 18 hours everyday. Don't you think that...


PAYTON: Guys, do you want everyone to keep writing you off?!?!?

VILMA & BREES: No, sir.

PAYTON: That's right! Cause everyone WILL keep on underestimating us if we ever give them an opportunity!!! You want Jaws and Schlerath to say we didn't deserve to be Super Bowl champions?

BREES: To be honest, Coach, I kinda don't care what any asshole on TV thinks...

PAYTON: WRONG! Wrong-wrong-wrong!!! Everyone thinks this is a trap game for us, like we're going to overlook the 49ers or something!!


BREES: Coach, Vilma and I know better than to look past any opponent. Shoot, I learned that watching "Road House."

VILMA: Yeah, what Drew sa-wait a second....You watched "Road House," Drew?

BREES: Shockey let me borrow one of his copies.

VILMA: Copies?

BREES: He's got, like, 12 of them. Some unopened and autographed by Ben Gazzara. It's weird.

VILMA: You right about that...


PAYTON: Enough! Now I've gone to great expense to get a guest speaker for you two. (Payton pushes button on his desk.) Send him in.

(Vilma and Brees turn around...)



VILMA: What the fuck is that?!?

PAYTON: Don't you know anything, Vilma?!? This is Admiral Ackbar! A member of the Mon Calamari race and leader of the Rebel Alliance's fleet! Christ almighty, Vilma, don't you watch TV or read the news?!?

BREES: So...it's a squid?

PAYTON: Yeah, sorta. Admiral, what are your words of advice for these guys?

(Admiral Ackbar paces about the room, hands flippers behind his back. He quickly spins around and looks at Brees and Vilma.)


ACKBAR: IT'S A TRAP!!!

(Vilma gasps. Brees is unimpressed.)

BREES: Okay...how so?

ACKBAR: (thinks to himself) Uh...IT'S A TRAP!!!

BREES: Yeah, uh, again...how so?

PAYTON: Drew, the Admiral wants to remind you not to sleep on the 49ers...

ACKBAR: THAT'S A NAP!!!


BREES: Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks for the inspiring words, Admiral, but I've got to get home pack my carry on.

ACKBAR: TAKE A MAP!!!

(Brees leaves, shaking his head.)

PAYTON: What do you think, Vilma?

VILMA: I don't know, Coach? Yo, Admiral, what's your favorite movie?

ACKBAR: SPINAL TAP!!!

VILMA: And your least favorite movie?

ACKBAR: BAPPS!!!

VILMA: You got a least favorite singer?

ACKBAR: SCOTT STAPP!!!

VILMA: Right, right...Do you have any pregame rituals you'd recommend?


ACKBAR: TAKE A CRAP!!!

VILMA: Alright, I see where this one is going, I'm gonna hit the showers before hitting the road.

ACKBAR: BRING A SHOWER CAP!!!

PAYTON: Thank you, Admiral Ackbar. You've been a big help. Can I take you anywhere?

ACKBAR: TO THE GAP!!!

(End scene.)